November 22, 2015

“Hey, we have like 20 mutual friends?! Actually, when I look at you long enough, your face does kinda look a bit familiar. I’ll accept your friend request sir, no biggie”. MISTAKE #1: Approving the request of people you straight up don’t know will lead to regret most times. If you have to think about whether or not this looks like the dude that sat across from you in Bio/Calculus/Some random work training seminar in which you really should’ve been paying more attention, then that’s probably not him. Reject the request and keep it moving.

This is the sensible thing to do. Sensible for everyone except me. It’s not like I’m the type of person that cares about the number of friends/followers I have. I just figured that if the whole point of this social networking thing is actually to network, then what’s the harm of interacting with a friend of a friend? In one particular case, however, I will admit that I should have been wary of the stranger with candy and kept to myself.

“Gee I have 17 notifications as soon as I wake up? Today must be a popular day for birthdays. So…. My new ‘friend’ liked every single one of my profile pix in less than five minutes sometime while I slept? That’s totally not creepy. Insomnia and boredom can make trolls out of the best of us”. MISTAKE #2: Don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Go with your initial instinct and don’t feel like a horrible person for thinking this is weird. ‘It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again’. This is what you’re bound to hear when you’re locked up in a soundproof basement promising to God that you’ll give up all your earthly sins (including Love and Hip Hop).

No, I didn’t delete him afterwards. Not even when he began commenting on everything I posted before/after I added him. Then, the private messages started. ‘Hey how are you?’ Simple messages right? This is obviously just a crush and sooner or later he’ll get the picture. It’s not like I’m going to run into him at Starbucks or anything. I’ll just ignore him and he’ll go away.

Minding my own business at work, some guy approaches me at my desk and tells me he was told to speak to me regarding a service we called his external company to perform at my office. His smile is awfully wide, this company has really pleasant employees! Then he asks, “You’re Cooper right? I think we’re Facebook friends. I like some of your pictures every now and then when I’m bored and scrolling through my newsfeed”. I pause and stare at his face. I then put my brain into overdrive thinking about the profile picture of that extra friendly ‘friend’ I should have never added in the first place. Omg it’s him! What do I say? What do I do? I’ve been silent way too long and he’s probably sensing that I’m nervous. I wonder if he’s like those animals that can sense fear and now knows he has the upper hand. I manager to muster up a “oh hey, I knew you looked familiar”. Good save, I hope he doesn’t try to ask me to lunch. Luckily his work schedule seems full so there leaves very little time for small talk as he has to rush off to another client. Of course he’s been thinking of our encounter all day as I see his message sitting in my inbox as soon as I check my notifications when I get home. Sigh…. Now he knows where I work AND we’re probably going to need services from his company again in the near future. I can’t just delete him knowing for certain I will see him again whether or not I like it.

Don’t be like me. Nip it in the bud and go with your instinct if you feel something is off about a potential ‘friend’. Now I’m stuck being cordial with someone who totally creeps me out but it’s my own fault for letting him into my life in the first place. Some people see a few posts of you online then the next thing you know, they think they really know you. If you guys don’t hear from me in the next few weeks, there’s a possibility he followed me home from work and has forced me to become his gf. There’s a chance I will be required to post it on my social media in order to prove that our romance is real (relationship standards in 2015). I will use this opportunity to send an encrypted message for help. Worst case scenario, I leave all my makeup to my co-worker Nicole and my cat can keep everything else.

Xo cooper 😚😚